When the Bed Gets Cold: Navigating a Sexless Christian Marriage
Breaking the Silence, Healing the Distance
Mark and Tasha have been married for 11 years*. They serve together at church, raise three beautiful kids, and are known by their friends as a “power couple.” But behind closed doors, they haven’t had sex in over a year.
It didn’t start that way. But over time, life got louder, connection became quieter, and physical intimacy slowly vanished. Every attempt to talk about it turned into an argument, awkward silence, or spiritual shame.
They started to wonder: Is this just how marriage is supposed to be after a while? Or are we broken?
The Quiet Epidemic: Sexless Christian Marriages
This isn’t just about physical pleasure—it’s about emotional connection, vulnerability, and sacred union. But here’s the truth: Sexless marriages are more common than most Christian couples realise.
According to research, a marriage is considered sexless when a couple has sex fewer than 10 times a year. In the church, many couples struggle with this but feel too ashamed to speak up, fearing judgment or spiritual condemnation.
Add layers of trauma, stress, kids, past sexual sin, pornography struggles, or theological confusion—and it becomes even harder.
What Does the Bible Say About Sexual Intimacy?
Sex in marriage is not a bonus. It’s a gift designed by God for connection and mutual pleasure.
“The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:3 (NIV)
This passage isn’t just about obligation; it’s about attunement. God intended sex to be an embodied expression of covenant love—not a weapon, a reward, or something to be silently withheld or feared.
Why Do Sexless Marriages Happen?
Performance Anxiety & Shame: Many Christians grew up hearing sex framed as “dirty,” only to be told it’s suddenly “holy” after marriage. That switch isn’t easy.
Resentment & Emotional Distance: If emotional needs go unmet, sexual desire often disappears. Conflict avoidance kills intimacy.
Physical or Hormonal Changes: Childbirth, menopause, low testosterone, or chronic pain can deeply affect desire.
Unhealed Sexual Trauma: Past abuse or shame can make sex feel unsafe, even in the safety of marriage.
Porn Use & Unrealistic Expectations: Pornography often distorts desire, making real-life intimacy feel disappointing.
The result? Both partners feel rejected, confused, or hopeless—creating a cycle of avoidance.
There Is Hope: Rebuilding Sacred Connection
Healing starts with honesty. You don’t have to “get over it”, you get to work through it. Christian sex therapy offers a safe space to talk through your story, uncover blocks, and rediscover desire in a way that honours God and each other.
You’re not alone, and you’re not beyond repair.
Support Is Available
If this post speaks to your story, we want you to know: help is available. Our faith-based sex therapy sessions are compassionate, confidential, and grounded in both psychological wisdom and biblical truth.
Click here to book your first session
Let’s rebuild not just your sex life—but your connection, joy, and covenant.
Your Thoughts
Sex isn’t just about what happens in bed—it’s about everything that leads there. A sexless marriage can feel like a lonely place, but with grace, truth, and intentional work, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Let this be the start of a new conversation between you and your spouse:
When did we begin to feel distant sexually, and what might have contributed to that?
What emotions come up for me when I think about initiating sex or talking about it?
What would it look like for us to seek help together—not to “fix” each other, but to heal and reconnect?
*Please note, all stories shared are fictional, and based on common client issues addressed within therapy.