What the Church Didn’t Teach Us About Sex—and Why It Matters for Christian Couples
Practical, faith-based guidance for couples seeking intimacy and deeper connection.
Rachel sat on the edge of her therapist’s couch, twisting a tissue in her hand*. “We did everything right,” she said. “We saved sex for marriage. We honoured God. But now that we’re here… it’s awkward, disappointing—even painful at times. I thought sex was supposed to be a gift, but it feels more like a burden.”
Her husband, Josh, nodded silently. “No one ever talked about how to enjoy it.”
If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.
Many Christian couples find themselves confused or even distressed in the area of sexual intimacy—not because they’re broken, but because they’ve been left uninformed and unsure how to connect in the way God lovingly intended.
Why Sex Feels Like a Struggle (Even in a God-Honouring Marriage)
In many churches, sex is only discussed as something to avoid until marriage. Purity culture often emphasises abstinence, but rarely offers guidance about how to thrive sexually after the wedding night.
This silence can result in:
Shame or anxiety about sexual desire
Difficulty experiencing pleasure or orgasm
Painful intercourse (especially for women)
Low libido or mismatched sex drives
Guilt around sexual expression—even in marriage
From a psychosexual perspective, this makes sense. Our bodies and minds don’t instantly flip a switch when we say “I do.” If sex was previously taboo or tied to fear or shame, it often takes time and intentional work to rewire those associations toward joy, trust, and safety.
God Created Sex On Purpose
Let’s not forget: God designed sex. He didn’t just tolerate it—He called it good.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
—Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Sex is not just for procreation. It’s a sacred act of unity, designed for pleasure, intimacy, and mutual delight. The Song of Songs is a passionate, poetic celebration of this kind of love: emotional and physical.
But for many couples, those deeper layers feel unreachable without guidance.
What No One Taught You (But You Can Learn Now)
Here are just a few truths we unpack in therapy sessions with Christian couples:
1. Pleasure is not sinful—it's sacred.
God created your body to experience pleasure. Learning what feels good (with your spouse!) is part of honouring that design.
2. Desire differences are normal.
It’s common for one spouse to have a higher sex drive. This isn’t a moral failure; it’s an invitation to communicate, compromise, and stay curious about one another.
3. Shame and trauma block connection.
Past wounds, even subtle ones like purity culture messages, can cause tension or numbness. With compassionate support, healing is possible.
4. Sexuality changes over time.
Libido, comfort, and needs shift with seasons of life. That’s normal, and worth discussing. You’re not broken; you’re growing.
A Better Way Forward: Healing Through Education and Therapy
Sex isn’t just a physical act. It’s deeply connected to your emotional and spiritual life. That’s why therapy—especially sex therapy grounded in Christian values—can be so powerful.
We’re here to help you:
Rebuild intimacy without shame
Explore your sexual script (what you were taught vs. what’s true)
Learn practical skills for deeper pleasure and connection
Heal from past sexual trauma or dysfunction
Restore joy and playfulness in your marriage
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Take the First Step Today
Whether you’re newlyweds, decades into marriage, or somewhere in between, you deserve to enjoy sex as the gift God intended. At Harmony House Counselling, our therapy services blend biblical wisdom with clinically sound, sex-positive guidance—so you can heal, grow, and delight in each other again.
You are not broken. You just haven’t been taught. But you can learn. And it’s not too late.
Book a confidential session here and start your journey back to each other.
Your Thoughts
Many couples silently struggle with sex because of misinformation between theology and embodiment. But when couples explore sexuality with truth and tenderness, new levels of connection and joy emerge.
Here are three questions to help you and your spouse reflect:
What messages did we each receive growing up about sex, and how have those shaped our experience?
Where do we feel disconnected or misunderstood sexually, and what might help us bridge that gap?
What would “freedom and joy” in our sexual relationship look like, and are we willing to pursue it together?
*Please note, all stories shared are fictional, and based on common client issues addressed within therapy.