The Truth About Losing Attraction in Marriage
A faith-filled look at desire, distance, and renewal.
“Is it bad that I don’t feel attracted to them anymore?”
Sarah sat across from her therapist*, eyes downcast. “He’s a good man. A godly man. But if I’m honest… I just don’t feel that pull toward him anymore.”
She wasn't alone. Her story echoes through many marriages, whispered in counselling rooms and behind closed doors. It’s not always about looks — sometimes it’s about emotional distance, unhealed conflict, trauma, or just life piling up.
So… what happens when you love your spouse, but you’re not attracted to them anymore?
First: You’re Not a Bad Christian (or Spouse)
We often assume attraction should be natural and effortless — especially in marriage. But attraction is influenced by a complex web of experiences:
Emotional safety
Conflict and unresolved resentment
Changes in physical appearance
Mental health and stress
Spiritual disconnection
So if you're struggling to feel desire or physical connection, it doesn’t mean you married the wrong person or that your relationship is broken beyond repair. It means something deeper may need tending.
Understanding Attraction in Long-Term Relationships
Attraction Isn’t Just Physical — It’s Psychological
Attraction is tied to emotional connection, novelty, safety, and mutual presence. When daily life (or unresolved pain) takes over, these elements fade… but they can also be reignited.
Emotional Injury Blocks Desire
When we experience emotional hurt (even subtle neglect) we often shut down desire for self-protection. You may love your spouse and still feel emotionally unsafe, which naturally dulls attraction.
The Good News: Attraction Is Cyclical
Attraction can return. Research shows that couples can rekindle intimacy and desire when emotional connection, novelty, and vulnerability are restored.
Biblical Wisdom for the Disconnected Heart
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
— 1 Peter 4:8
This scripture isn’t just about forgiveness, it’s about depth. The kind of love that chooses connection, even when feelings are dry. And when we choose to nurture that connection, attraction can be reborn — not from fantasy, but from faithful intention.
Hope Is Found in the Rebuilding
If you’re feeling disconnected, it’s not time to give up — it’s time to get curious:
What’s come between you emotionally?
Have you stopped being emotionally or physically present?
Is there unspoken resentment or past hurt that needs healing?
These aren’t easy questions, but they are the doorway to restored connection.
At Harmony House Counselling, we help couples:
Understand the roots of their disconnect
Heal emotional injury that impacts attraction
Rediscover desire and closeness through practical, faith-integrated tools
Feel safe again — emotionally and sexually
You don’t need to stay stuck in silence. You just need a space to be seen, heard, and guided.
Book a confidential session here and start your journey back to each other.
Your Thoughts
Attraction isn't static — it's something we tend to, like a garden. Seasons of drought don’t mean your marriage is doomed. They mean it's time to lean in, with grace, truth, and the courage to reconnect emotionally and spiritually. Consider these reflection questions:
What does “attraction” mean to each of us, and how has that changed since we married?
Are there unspoken hurts or emotional patterns that might be impacting our desire for one another?
What small, intentional steps could we take this week to rebuild emotional closeness or shared joy?
*Please note, all stories shared are fictional, and based on common client issues addressed within therapy.