Infertility and Faith: What Not to Say to Christian Couples
Christian counselling insights for showing empathy and care during infertility struggles.
“At least you can still try again…”
Emma smiled politely and nodded, but inside she was shrinking.
She’d just confided in a close friend about her third failed round of IVF, hoping for comfort. Instead, she got clichés:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You’re still young—there’s plenty of time.”
“Have you tried acupuncture?”
“Just relax, it’ll happen!”
None of it made her feel better. All of it made her feel more alone.
Why Words Matter More Than You Think
Infertility is often a silent grief. It impacts a person’s body, mind, relationship, faith, and sense of identity. Many couples feel emotionally raw, sexually disconnected, and socially isolated during the process.
Psychosexual therapy recognises that fertility issues don’t just affect reproductive health. They also impact:
Sexual confidence and desire (often affected by medicalisation or “timed sex”)
Body image and gender identity (especially when one partner feels “at fault”)
Communication strain in couples
Shame, guilt, and grief cycles that can mimic trauma responses
That’s why saying “the right thing” isn’t about having answers. It’s about staying present in someone else’s pain, without trying to fix it.
What Not to Say to Someone Facing Infertility
Here are some common phrases to avoid, even when your intentions are good:
“Just relax!”
Implication: Stress is the cause, which oversimplifies medical or emotional realities and adds pressure.
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
Minimises the deep grief of miscarriage, failed IVF, or loss.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This can come across as dismissive and spiritual bypassing, even if faith is central.
“Why don’t you just adopt?”
Adoption is not a consolation prize, nor is it emotionally or financially simple.
“Maybe it’s just not meant to be.”
Feels fatalistic and unkind, especially to those still hoping.
What To Say Instead
“I’m so sorry. That must be incredibly hard.”
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“Would you like to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction today?”
“Can I bring you dinner or help in some way?”
These responses honour the pain, validate the journey, and give control back to the person struggling.
Biblical Wisdom: The Power of Presence
In Romans 12:15, we’re reminded:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
Notice Paul doesn’t say “fix” or “explain.” He says weep, because empathy often heals more than advice ever could.
Need Support? You're Not Alone
If you're walking through infertility or supporting someone who is, Harmony House Counselling offers a safe, compassionate space to explore:
Grief and loss tied to infertility and miscarriage
Psychosexual support for intimacy, identity, and emotional reconnection
Faith-based therapy that makes room for honest questions and silent prayers
Couples counselling to strengthen relationships through medical and emotional stress
Take the next step: Book a session with one of our experienced therapists or explore our infertility support offering today. Whether you’re holding on to hope, facing hard choices, or simply feeling lost—we’re here to walk with you.
Your Thoughts
Infertility doesn’t just impact fertility—it can challenge a couple’s intimacy, communication, and spiritual connection. Sometimes, even well-meaning support systems leave couples feeling misunderstood or more isolated.
Use this space to reflect with your partner:
How has infertility affected how we see ourselves—as individuals and as a couple?
What are some things people have said (or not said) that helped, or hurt, during this journey?
How can we better support each other emotionally, spiritually, and physically during this season?