5 Faith-Focused Ways to Talk About Sex in a Christian Marriage
Discover 5 simple ways to talk about intimacy, supported by Scripture and sex therapy principles.
“We never really talk about it.”
That’s what Sarah shared with her counsellor*. Her and her husband had been married for 10 years, raised two beautiful kids, remained committed to their Christian faith… but when it came to sex, there was silence between them. What started as “we’re just busy” had grown into distance, shame, and unmet needs.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many Christian couples struggle to talk about sex, not because they don’t love each other, but because it feels awkward, taboo, or even unspiritual. But God designed intimacy to be a beautiful, open part of marriage. Talking honestly is a crucial step toward healing, closeness, and joy.
Here are 5 faith-focused ways to start those conversations.
1. Pray First, Speak Second
It may sound simple, but inviting God into your conversations about sex makes a big difference. Before you talk, pray together for wisdom, gentleness, and love. Remember James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” When prayer frames your words, it lowers defensiveness and opens the door for grace.
2. Use “I” Statements, Not “You” Statements
The Bible reminds us in James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
This isn’t just a nice suggestion, it’s a practical guide for healthy marriages. When both partners practice listening first, their marriage reflects patience, humility, and love.
3. Talk Beyond the Bedroom
Sex isn’t just about technique; it’s about connection. Ask about your spouse’s stress, energy levels, and emotional needs. Sometimes a lack of desire comes from exhaustion or unspoken worries, not from disinterest. A healthy sex life grows when couples care for each other’s whole selves—body, mind, and spirit.
4. Normalise Desire Differences
It’s common for one partner to want sex more often than the other. Instead of seeing this as a problem, see it as an opportunity for teamwork. Desire differences are normal, not sinful. Therapy teaches couples to negotiate with compassion, creating rhythms that honour both partners’ needs. The goal is unity, not uniformity.
5. Schedule a Check-In (and Keep It Light)
Set aside 15 minutes once a week to talk about intimacy; what felt good, what could be better, and what you’d like to try. Keep it positive, and maybe even share over a cup of tea instead of only during a conflict. When talking about sex becomes routine, it feels less intimidating and more like a natural part of marriage.
A Key Bible Text for Reflection
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” — 1 Corinthians 7:3
This verse reminds us that intimacy isn’t one-sided. It’s mutual, loving, and meant to be joyfully shared.
Why This Matters
Open, faith-focused conversations about sex strengthen not just your physical connection but your spiritual and emotional bond too. You don’t have to stay stuck in silence. With the right support, you can build a marriage that reflects God’s design for intimacy: honest, loving, and life-giving.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
At Harmony House Counselling, we help Christian couples overcome barriers to intimacy through sex therapy rooted in both biblical truth and psychological wisdom. Whether you’re struggling with mismatched desire, shame from the past, or simply feeling disconnected, you don’t have to face it alone.
Book a session today and start your journey toward a healthier, more joyful marriage.
Your Thoughts
Talking about sex in marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. When couples choose openness, prayer, and grace, they create space for deeper intimacy that honours both God and each other.
Here are 3 reflection questions to explore with your spouse this week:
What makes it hard for me to talk about sex openly?
What do I most need from you emotionally before we connect physically?
How can we invite God into our intimacy in a practical way?
*Please note, all stories shared are fictional, and based on common client issues addressed within therapy.